|3 June 1975 - journal entry
||[May. 25th, 2005|04:27 pm]
Marisa B. Sinistra
It's gorgeous outside, must be about 25° at least. I'm up on the Astronomy Tower again; I swear tutoring for Professor Callipus is worth it just for the permission to be up here whenever I want. It's such an amazing view of Hogwarts from up here- I can see the pitch, the forest, the road out to the lake, I can even see Hogsmeade way far off... I almost wish I could be here over the summer when there's nobody here, just so I could enjoy it without worrying about everyone else. Easter was nice but not enough, I still had Rabastan tailing me everywhere, and the few times I did manage to lose him I turn around and it's Black staring me down. He makes things so fucking difficult- it's not that I'm afraid of him, afraid he'll hex me or anything the way I usually am with Potter, but he's so belligerent, he never knows when to back down. And at least Potter doesn't expect me to stand by and watch him make Severus miserable the way Black does- he always seems so surprised that I get pissed that he makes my friend's life a living hell. God, the fucking arrogance...|
Well at least if I'm a little Gryffindor-obsessed today, I can explain- we're playing them tomorrow to see who goes up against Hufflepuff in the Quidditch Cup and I'm fucking terrified we're going to lose. Hufflepuff wiped the ground with us a month ago, and though Malfoy still seems to think we're able to recover, I think he's insane. It's harder than he imagines to try and work with him and Nott, I mean Chasers are supposed to work together but they're so needy for the glory of being the ones to score that they ignore me; I practically have to fight them for the Quaffle as hard as I do the other team. The only reason we win half the time is that Regulus is faster than all the other Seekers. There's no way we're going to win tomorrow unless by magic or miracle Malfoy and Nott decide that winning is more important than having Grace and Bellatrix fawn all over them.
a terror I really should just be nice and say she's in my way. But she's not even in my way as much as I am in hers. Rabastan got in a fight with his brother about me, because apparently he's promised to Bellatrix, but he doesn't seem particularly interested in her (I mean any more than he is in any girl who wants to snog him). I don't even know if I like Rabastan enough to make having Bellatrix as an enemy worthwhile. Every time I'm with him I think I like him a lot and I like where things are going with him. But then I think about the way Severus looked at me on Valentine's Day when he saw us kissing, or all the things I want to do now and after I leave school, and I think I was right all the time in thinking dating is a worthless waste of time. I like being his friend, I even like knowing he wants to snog me, because then I don't have to give anything beyond what I want.
This all buggering sucks. It's beautiful outside and all I can think about is all these problems cramming into my head. I don't want to think about this anymore. I think I'll go flying for a bit or something... then all I'll be able to think about is who I'm going to have to suck up to next year since Captain Malfoy will be gone. Ugh.